Our lives are consumed with waiting. Waiting in line at the grocery store, waiting for that next iPhone upgrade, waiting for a meal to be ready, waiting to meet the perfect guy or gal, etc. Everyday we wait for something, and everyday we have a choice of how we are going to handle our wait time.
I am definitely the product of the immediate gratification
generation when I say – waiting stinks. When I order my Chick-fil-a Spicy Chick
Deluxe I expect to receive it stat or
I’m getting hangry very quickly!
But when it came to starting this blog I had no problems
waiting to begin. I came up with plenty of excuses about my lack of skills,
time and material to delay this first post. Why was waiting to write my first
blog post so different? Every other thing I have to wait for tested my patience
and my willpower – but not this.
It’s because I got to choose
to wait. I was in charge of when I would write this and it was almost
completely in my control. It seems as if my fleshly desire to control things is
constantly rearing its head when it comes to waiting and – unless it’s my
choice – watch out world…IMPATIENT JULIE might show up with heavy sighs and
unpleasant eye rolls.
But at last I’ve chosen to end the waiting and begin this
blog.
Why?
Because I have had the blessing and challenge of walking
through some difficult seasons of waiting, and, through it all, God has been
gracious and faithful. I believe that deserves to be celebrated! I know my
story of waiting is not especially profound, but it is my prayer that through
this blog people will not only get a little glimpse into my Tweedt world but
will get to see how awesome God is in the midst of every situation.
Back in college my waiting struggle revolved around looking
for the perfect Guy. I was enjoying my time at Central College in the best town ever –
Pella, IA – all the while constantly scoping and hoping that my Mr. Central
Dutch Football Player would knock on my door and ask me out.
I waited. And waited. And waited. And you get the picture. I
kept waiting, and that guy never showed up. I was constantly pleading with God
to fulfill the deep desire I had to be married one day, and I wasn’t sure if He
heard me or if my waiting season would ever stop.
It was during this season that a wonderful mentor challenged
me to do a study on the word wait in
the Bible. Funny how I hadn’t thought of asking God what waiting could look
like with Him in my life. I just wanted the waiting period to stop.
As I read passage after passage about waiting I discovered
something.
Waiting is not passive.
It’s not wimpy.
And it’s not a time to be lazy.
All the waiting I read about was very active. In the midst
of waiting, people were still pursuing
God’s plans for them. Those who had fruitful and enjoyable waiting seasons were
still seeking to live for Him, and they weren’t sitting around moping about
what they didn’t have. Joseph is a great example of this, as he chose to not
waste his waiting period while he was in jail for a crime he didn’t commit. Rather
than sit around and mope he actively helped those around him by interpreting
their dreams.
I also saw evidence of people honestly crying out to God
about their struggles in their waiting. This was very reassuring. As I read the
account of Hannah crying out to God about her desire for a child I was comforted
that I wasn’t alone. Hannah begged God so much that people thought she was
crazy! I have notebooks filled with requests to God with my waiting struggles,
and I’m so glad He still wants to hear them. I’m sure if they were read aloud people might think I was crazy like Hannah, but it’s so encouraging knowing God
would still want to hear from my crazy self.
What I learned through that time of study was life changing.
I could no longer waste my season of waiting. I decided to actively wait. No matter how long I
would have to wait to get married I needed to pursue God wholeheartedly and see
what He might have in store for me in the present.
This lesson really transformed my thinking and my
pursuits. Instead of constantly focusing
on what I didn’t have…a boyfriend…I began to ask God what He wanted me to focus
on. I began to enjoy my friendships more and I began investing my time into
younger women and students. This opened up a whole new perspective on life for
me, and I began enjoying life in a fresh new way.
I love verse 10 from
the book of John that says “The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I
have come that they might have life and have it to the full.” The way I was
choosing to wait definitely was stealing my joy and was slowly trying to
destroy what God had right in front of me. He had incredible opportunities for
me to help people, to have fun and to learn, and my old method for waiting was
trying to swipe those from me. Thankfully this new perspective and purpose from
His Word helped me not only to survive the waiting but to actually enjoy my
life in the midst of it.
It’s funny how listening to God led me to a joy that was so
much greater than what I was searching for in a guy. It was one of purpose and
fulfillment and lifelong joy. Jesus wasn’t lying when He said He offers an
abundant life.
Fast forward about 6 years to present day. My season of waiting to be married is over. I’ve
been married to an incredible man named Ben for the past four years and it has
been a wonderful adventure. Does this mean my struggle with waiting has come to
an end? NO WAY!
Once one desire is fulfilled another desire so quickly
creeps up. The battle to actively wait continues. We were married and then we
wanted to be parents! To summarize, we have walked through infertility for the
past 4 years of our 4-year marriage.
This included being diagnosed with PCOS, a blood disorder, 4 IUI procedures,
2 miscarriages, lots of blood work, tears, and massive swings of emotion.
This season of waiting has been one of the hardest for me to
endure. Yet it has been the best for me
personally and for our marriage as I have applied my lesson of active waiting –
pursuing what God has for me in the present. I have been able to focus on
strengthening my marriage and the ministries God has given me. I wouldn’t trade
the waiting for anything.
Even so, I can now tell the world that I am 27 weeks
pregnant and due New Years Eve 2015. As I write this, I still can’t believe
that I’m this far along in the pregnancy, and that this little life is growing
inside of me. While there are no guarantees on how long we will get to parent
this little one, we are trying to enjoy every moment as we actively wait for his
arrival!
I look forward to sharing more of my story, failures and
God’s faithfulness in all areas of my life as I continue with this blog. Now
the question is: how long will I wait to write again?
